Ugly Realization

This past Sunday I took Ashtyn to church. I figured that now she can control most of her behaviors so it would be safe to start going. She was really quiet most of the time sitting and going through the contents of her purse and mine. I wonder often how others see my child and if they can tell that she is different. Maybe they can or maybe they cant I really dont know? However, I was really happy that we made it to church this day as it is very important to me. I started to think about all the struggles and issues we had to go through ahead of time to get there and I wonder if anyone would believe all that I had to do with her. I had to prepare her at least a day in advance, I had to tell her who would be there, how long it would take, what she would hear and see, allow her to "pack" her purse with all the things that would make her comfortable.
Even though this was alot of stuff, it was worth it. We made it through most of the Mass without any problems. I was "so happy she did it" I thought! Just as I thought this to myself I noticed Ashtyn getting a little restless and she began to talk outloud(verbal stim)and jump around and bend over the seats. As the music played in the background I watched my little girl try to keep herself together. Then I realized others could probably tell she was different, and I really dont care about that anyway. This is my child and the way she is, so what if its different, unusual, or odd behavior. The most important thing was that we made it through the hour and to me that was a huge success.